My first piece of reader mail!

Hi very real person who I totally haven't spoken to before, How do I become a real person? Thanks in advance. Pseudosigned, Patate François

Hello and welcome to the blog Mister Francois, may I call you Pat? Well Pat, I want to remind everyone that even though I'm going to give you advice, this isn't an official newspaper advice column, so everything I say here is only my best guess. It is the best guess though, because I'm a certified genius. With a real certificate I may show you someday. Or I might not. But the certificate is the realest.

Even though we haven't spoken before I feel we have a personal connection because of this letter. I would go as far as to say we have spoken. Me through this blog and you through your reading of this blog. We have shared a connection of deep personal significance and you were nourished by it. The first step to becoming real is to read this blog and the second step is to send me mail. Doing good so far! Now I recommend you make sure all your friends read this blog and you can become real together. . Sooner or later, you'll be so real you won't believe it. If that doesn't work, kill pinocchio and eat his corpse.